ITS DONE!

Many people have asked about the actual race, the strategy, the thoughts, the feelings.  Its so strange what Focus this intense can do in a persons mind.  I don’t actually remember things all that well and its always interesting to me to think back to what stood out. 

Leading up to the race, I tried a slightly different approach than usual.  I am still learning about commitment, self-control, and energy conservation.  My older, more established teammates have taught me so much about this but my thick skull is sometimes hard to crack.  Usually, at meets like this I try to be at the track for as many events as possible and do as much as I can to really experience the excitement of it all.  This time I laid low.  I felt guilty about not spending time with family and friends who had come to town especially for me but I hoped that I would be forgiven if I actually pulled this thing off.  I spend a lot of time at home, which was an amazing perk of the meet being here in Eugene. I read, streamed a few races and interviews and even watched some TV (You have to understand-TV is not really my thing. I don’t even own one at my house. I watched ONE episode of the Office on Netflix this weekJ) And I was able to eat all my meals in the comfort of my own little cave…er, I mean HOME (I currently live in a tiny, teeny basement apartment.) Anyway, my teammates taught me the strategy of seriously not doing ANYTHING before your race so that by the time you leave for the track your whole day is bottled up within you and all the accumulated energy can be propelled toward your race effort.  I always felt guilty about wasting my entire day for an evening race but I’m starting to believe that there is really something to this, you can kind of justify it when its your JOB! 

Anyway, my memory lapse began even before I left for the track that day.  I only vaguely remember packing my bag and leaving.  I was nervous so I called Coach Row that morning which I don’t typically do.  I didn’t really think he was going to tell me anything that he hadn’t already but I mainly just wanted to hear his voice.  It ended up being a very clutch conversation which helped me really hone in on what I wanted to get out of the race.  It usually comes so natural for him to be brutally honest to everyone else but I’ve begun to notice that sometimes he struggles to tell me things that he knows I won’t like to hear. After the Prefontaine Meet he told me I wasn’t focused enough.  I protested at first but eventually came to my senses and have been working on it ever since.  I did NOT want to make that mistake again.  It was that focus, on the simple race plan we decided on, that moved me from place to place that day, barely making note of where I was or what I was feeling.  Smooth, Efficient, Come home strong.  The name of the game was not the time, or the win today, it was all about making the team.  I learned a cold, hard lesson from my teammate the day before and was NOT going to let that happen to me.  Someone else on our support staff gave me another cue that I carried with me throughout the day- to take negative thoughts and distractions out of the way by identifying them, placing a mental flag reading, “IRRELEVANT” on it, and sending it on its way.  It all sounds much more complicated than it actually was.  I was trying to keep things as simple as possible really.

So somehow, I eventually found myself on the line…….I am not a notoriously good kicker, rather the opposite in fact.  So I started out pretty conservative. I have been working on patience and trusting that my body will have what it needs the last few laps.  This was the ultimate test of both.  Sally Kipyego told me that there is a point in every race no matter how hard you train and prepare where your body hurts and protests, trying desperately to convince your mind to allow you to stop or at least slow down.  It is incredibly easy to listen.  But if you can push through just the first few seconds of that (about 20 sec), you are in a whole new zone.  Your mind stops fighting and accepts and your body can do things that seemed physically impossible.  This theme came up again in the movie, ‘We Bought a Zoo’ when Matt Damon tells his son, “All it takes is 20 seconds of intense Courage to do something  more incredible than you could ever have imagined!”  Anyway, that moment came to me and I prayed.  Harder than I have prayed in a long time.  Sure enough, after that I was just running…no more thinking, not nearly as much pain.  Even in the final kick it wasn’t so much the agony slowing me down, it felt more like a dream where you try to run but your body just doesn’t respond. I don’t remember looking at the finish line, or the time or the video board.  I was all in my head I guess, praying that everyone behind me was rigging up as bad as I was.  When I crossed that line, I couldn’t control myself, I have no idea what a fool I made of myself.  All I remember was allowing myself to collapse (which I only remember because I try never to do that especially lately because Coach tells me not to show how tired I really am) but my body was SHOT. They rushed us to an interview and then a speedy victory lap which was more painful than the race for me just because my body was registering pain again by then and it was hitting like a load of bricks! By the time we got our medals though, I was able to enjoy things again and started to really soak it all in!  We even got a press conference! Track NEVER gets press conferences (at least not ME, I guess some of the bigger names do more often…)That was sweet!  Then on to drug testing, another thing that gets smoother and easier with time and experience.  And finally, reunited with my family and friends- the people that deserve just as much credit for my successes as me!  They ordered pizza and stuck around for me and we had a great time talking and celebrating!

Wow, crazy day, incredible relief.  Two intense years focused on this one race.  Done. Finished. Capeesh. Ahhhhhhh.  Enjoy the moment.  Get excited for the future.  What??! There IS life after June??!.....YES, and its going to be FUN!!!!!!!

Olympic Trials, here we go!

Eugene, Oregon….the influx of temporary stands began a month ago, the tents in the streets and the practice fields came a week ago, the vendors moved in a few days ago, the fans and athletes and volunteers got here yesterday….this thing is really happening!  Yesterday, as I entered the stadium, I hugged my roommate from a meet I did last summer.  She is a hammer thrower and just won the competition on Thursday, punching her ticket to London!  In the 10k’s, other past teammates and friends sealed the deal for themselves. 

            For some athletes, watching the races and being in the stadium is a negative thing before their own competition.  For me, it is inspirational!  It makes me feel so lucky to be able to get out there myself! So much emotion gets put into a meet like this.  I have never experienced anything quite like it- people putting it all out there every single race!  What everyone sees on TV or from the stands is such a small piece of the reality of the sport. The training leading up to this day for many athletes has been a culmination of years! There is nothing the media can capture and feed to the audience that could help them understand that part of it better than just watching.  Without words, the athletes cross the line, tears and blood, sweat and exhaustion…..and suddenly everyone gets it.  By the end of the ten days, normal spectators leaving the stadium look as if they had just run a 10k themselves.  It is incredibly draining while at the same time, incredibly rewarding even just watching. 

            The closer I get to ‘my turn’ the more excited I am.  Everyday I think of it less as ‘Judgement Day’ and more as just a chance to do what I do.  To perform like I have trained.  This is my life.  This is my chance to shine.  I have such an amazing support network behind me, of which I am reminded every single day with words of encouragement, phone calls, text messages, and email notes.  I couldn’t be more thankful for the people who have picked me up at various stages of my life and given me a boost in one way or another.  I am excited for this chance to make them proud. This is so fun!  Here I am…healthy, happy, prepared.  What more can anyone ask for?  There is only one thing could make me more complete right now….maybe a new set of rings and a little European vacation?J!? Let the races begin! 

Post-Pre

So, the race did NOT go as hoped for......I did NOT do as planned....or did I...???? 

There have been plenty of times in my life where I come up with an idea and put my whole heart into it, totally believing that it is going to be the best plan. I do everything in my power to make it come true and then when it does....I realize that it didn't produce the results I expected at all! Classic example of the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for!"

Throughout the week leading up to the race, I had collected little cues and advice that I wanted to bring with me into the stadium that day......From Coach, I wanted to stay relaxed, lose myself, walk confident.  From my sport psychologist, I wanted to 'make it look easy', check my form at certain points, not be intimidated by competitors around me. From within myself, I wanted to not get sucked into one thought too long, keep my mind moving so that I didn't have time to register and react to the pain, focus on one barrier at a time, AND I wanted to have FUN!

Looking back on it this way, its really no wonder I had an awful race......that set-up was heading me no where but to disaster! I clearly had WAY too much going on upstairs, WAY too much to think about. At this point, the work is done, 'the hay is in the barn'.  Just like the fact that physically, there is nothing more you can do for yourself on race day, mentally, you should have prepared yourself over the last several months for this day too so that you are so conditioned, that you don't have to think about what to think about.  If you do, you are OVER-THINKING! Whats that you say, you don't understand, it doesn't make sense to you?  Maybe your a visual person. Allow me to provide a more clear explanation of what that looks like....watch my race.  

Uck. I'm in the best shape of my life and completely healthy.  My old PR is right in the middle of the seed times for the rest of the field.  I am in my 'home' stadium with tons of friends cheering me on.  It is a race that doesn't qualify me for anything else, no pressure.....You really don't get a setup like that very often. And boy did I blow it.

My mind was all over the place.  I was trying my best to have fun and not take myself as serious as I have been.  I started off ok but it really never felt like a normal race.  I was just out for a stroll.  I wasn't prepared for the pain.  I was trying to make it look easy, so I ran slow.  When people started passing me, it didn't even register until way too late by then I couldn't convince my legs to go any faster.  I faded....faded...faded. finished. last.   

I was embarrassed.  Coach was embarrassed.  He only watched three laps.  I'm glad.  Ive watched other people have races like that, its not a fun experience.  It doesn't even look like they are trying.  

Pre-Pre

Today I have the biggest race of my season to date. Its really important for me to control my nerves and handle my emotions. Every athlete is different and approaches big days like this in their own way. My coaches and mentors have tried their best to help by using catch phrases and key words to trigger that little thing inside me and  hopefully unlock the key to my potential. By now, ive heard pretty much the same thing over and over again....so why am i not a world champion yet? Have all my coaches been wrong? Maybe I just don't have what it takes? But why is it that two athletes with seemingly the same physical abilities sometimes compete at such different competition levels?


This is not the first time I've been accused of selective hearing- my parents used to tell me things a million times but they would never get the response they wanted if i wasn't actively listening when they were talking.This is slightly different though, this time I AM listening, and I'm trying my hardest to absorb what I'm being told and apply it. This makes me think that there must be something more to it.


Why is it that my teammates and I could all be told to do the same workout and given the same cues to think about and they go out and run super human and I struggle just to finish? I see how they respond, physically and emotionally and I know that that response is the difference between a good athlete like myself and GREAT athletes like them. The words come into our ears the same way but on our way to our hearts, everything has to pass through our heads.....that's where things can get a little messy.


Controlling your thoughts at this level is as tough as physically preparing your body. It's important to find your personal sweet spot. No one can really tell you how to do this, its a trail you have to blaze yourself if you want it to be strong enough to battle the physical pain and mental intimidation of this World Stage. YOU are the only one with the power to change what goes on in your head and how you respond to it. It is when you accumulate too many negative feelings by this act of free will, that bad things start happening in your life. Good karma, prayers, and well wishes are all examples of this power of positive energy. Even though I know this concept to be true, I have yet to harness it. God has a plan for me, he has given me these opportunities for a reason. There is great potential inside all of us....the champions are those that have found a way to release it and share it with the rest of the world!