More Post-Race Thoughts!

At this point, hours after the event, words still cannot describe the emotion I am feeling.  So many thoughts are flooding my brain, it is hard to contain it all!  I realize that this is not the MOST amazing or the MOST significant or the MOST important thing that will ever happen in my life or anyone elses, but there is something to be said about having a dream that has been with you for so many years finally become a reality! This is a particularly exceptional example because it is something so tangible yet so elusive.  It has stretched me out of my comfort zone in everyway possible and getting through it having done what I set out to do, gives me immense satisfaction into my deepest core.

            My job is certainly not done.  As it should, achieving this goal has only allowed me to turn my attention and focus toward the future.  It has opened up a whole new level of personal commitment to the sport and given me the drive and motivation to continue to pursue it with more passion than ever.  The time between college and now has been filled with doubts and questions as to whether or not this is the career and life that I am suppose to be living.  I am someone who doesn’t work well without a clear vision, a firm goal, a concrete possible end result.  Making this team was the confirmation that I needed to now continue with more passion and determination than ever. 

I can’t help but see my professional journey paralleling my college career in a lot of ways (and that is just fine with meJ)!  I realize that one of my weaknesses is that I am not the most easily adaptable person- it takes me a while to get the most out of a new and foreign program.  I like to think, however, that it is because I am a person that needs to feel like I fully understand something in order to do it the RIGHT way and not just go through the motions.  It took me a few years to buy into Coach Sullivans program initially but my last couple seasons there, I remember having this incredible confidence in her and anything that she asked me to do which is a huge part of the mental game.  Honestly, as much as I respect and trust Coach Row, I haven’t felt this with him completely yet.  I’m closer everyday and once I have it, I think it will lead to incredible things.  Along the same timeline, my internal commitment to the sport has to mature and materialize.  I was not convinced that running was important beyond the scholarship it provided me when I first entered college but after a few semesters I began designing my academic schedule around my sport and then I made a World Championships team and I realized that I could really be a player on the Big Stage.  I was all-in.  Now, is that moment all over again.  I love this life.  I really want it to continue- training hard in the fall and winter, traveling all summer….why would I NOT want to? And now I don’t have to doubt and question and make the decision on my own because in a sense, it has been made for me!

I realize that there are many track fans out there criticizing the Steeplechase.  Without players who break American records, we don’t have much of a shot at a medal- this year. Its frustrating for me to be here, putting so much of myself into it and knowing that cold, hard reality.  But again, I am no stranger to this feeling.  At Penn State when I first arrived, the distance team was the teams ‘weakest link’.  At conference meets we were lucky to contribute a few points here and there and there was only so far the sprinters could carry us.  I made a pact with my class that we were going to change that.  By our senior year, we miraculously WON the Big Ten Title in Cross Country!  This set us up to go on to win the Indoor AND Outdoor conference titles as well (but that all had to START with the distance squad coming through big!) I want to make that happen again.  I think that the girls running the steeple now have the ability, it’s only a matter of desire, belief, and commitment to bring us up to a whole new level.  Keep your eye on the event in the next few years, because, if I have any say in the matter, something awesome is about to happen! But first, this year….a few short weeks…..focused on making it into the finals. I will probably have to run a personal best to make that cut but if (when) I do, it will be my first time in a final at a major championship.  The Olympic Games would be a great place to do that! Make it to the finals and ANYTHING is possible!